What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 00:33
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was very sick at this time too.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
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We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One cannot live in the past .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Do you consider yourself pretty?
She wouldn,t have been !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
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I write beautiful poetry .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
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She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
All the time i was locked up.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I've never read the book. What did Dorian Grey do that was so immoral and sinful?
She found it foreign!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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Put me off passion for life!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
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But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So, i spoilt her more .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He knew the spot.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i lived it daily.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So whats the point in blame.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ive learnt so much.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I waited trembling.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But it wasn’t much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I will be 64.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i do to all so called friends.?
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She loved him until the end.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I said to her
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I don,t even have a pension.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were not on the streets..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was in good health!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
It was going to be , some day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Would this be the day?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My family never makes their pension either.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What did i know ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was scared of men, in general
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She married twice! .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I have no regrets .
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!